Sarah Kelly

Many students have high aspirations. Some envision landing that dream job or achieving their life's goals. So many possibilities lay before the graduates of Chico State, but sometimes the thought of not being able to make it in the "real world" crosses the minds of many.

But daredevil David Blaine is living proof there is hope for us all to achieve our dreams.

The 35-year-old magician set a world record for breath holding while suspended in a water-filled glass sphere 8 feet in diameter on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." Blaine held his breath for an astonishing 17 minutes, 4 seconds April 30.

After the feat, he expressed to Winfrey that he had fulfilled his "lifelong dream,"
Fox News reported.

His lifelong dream is to hold his breath longer than anyone else? Not to be a total Debbie Downer, but I'm pretty sure if I told my mother my lifelong dream was to hold my breath longer than anyone else, she'd promptly laugh in my face and remind me I need to graduate in four years - or else.

Guinness World Records is the official documentation of wasted time and money, and Blaine is the latest example.

But who am I to judge? This guy's on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," and I'm not. He must be doing something right. I guess it's time to up the ante on life.

Some Chico State students have already learned skills that can help them break world records. For example, with all those late-night runs to Franky's, some could easily break the record of 2 minutes, 19.91 seconds to eat a 12-inch pizza, set by Tom Waes of Belgium. Or if some students don't have money for pizza, they can try breaking Michel Lotito's record for strangest diet. He has been consuming metal and glass since 1959. Forget expensive dairy and produce, Lotito told Guinness hard-boiled eggs and bananas make him sick.

As a writer, I can type pretty fast so I plan to take on Michele Santelia of Italy. He holds the record for the most books typed backward. According to Guinness, he's typed 58 books, including "The Odyssey," "Macbeth" and the Vulgate Bible, all in their original languages. Santelia also typed "Guinness World Records 2002." Kiss-ass.

Other stories of record breaking are encouraging, and I was struck by the pride of Radhakant Bajpai. He holds the record for the longest ear hair at 5.19 inches long.

"Making it to Guinness World Records is indeed a special occasion for me and my family," Bajpai told Guinness. "God has been very kind to me."

That kind of success is inspiring, but it would be genetically impossible to take on the amazing ear-hair grower. Some are just born winners.

In fact, a lot of records reported by Guinness are genetic or some kind of abnormality record holders can't even control. It doesn't seem fair that because I wasn't born with an overactive pituitary gland, I can't compete with Sandy Allen of Indiana who is 7 feet, 7 inches tall.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. After a couple of hours of researching on the Guinness World Records Web site about accomplishments such as the heaviest kidney stone, weighing 12.5 ounces, and the longest leg hair at 5 inches, I started to realize my inadequacies.

But, then as if I could finally hear my calling, I found the one record that didn't seem so far out of reach: According to Guinness, Reuben Williams of London unwrapped and ate five Ferrero Rocher chocolates in one minute in November. I am positive that at a certain time of the month, I and many other females could put Williams to shame.

Before I break this world record, a backup plan will be necessary just in case Winfrey's assistants lose the video tape of my amazing chocolate feat and I don't get to appear on her show. Maybe a college degree?

Nah. Blaine's got nothin' on this.